Ditching sweets in preparation for swimsuit season? Then chances are you haven’t dived into Fractured Prune Doughnuts, the beloved Ocean City, Md., franchise that recently set up shop in Towson—with another due in Owings Mills later this year. Not to worry: STYLE’s staff writer took it upon himself to sample a dozen hot-n-fresh flavors off the specialty menu, which boasts 19 glazes and 13 toppings for a colossal 155,648 possible combinations. Here’s what came to mind after each (glorious) bite.
French Toast: The world’s best hangover cure in convenient doughnut form. Ask nicely and owner Valerie Aburn will top it off with extra bacon.
Cookies and Cream: Can they just sell these in bulk? Oreo would surely go out of business.
Morning Buzz: A mocha-glazed victory better than the day that piping-hot barista finally spelled your name right.
O.C. Sand: Who needs sex on the beach when you can just eat this cinnamon-sugary treat? Give us some privacy…
Black Forest: A big bad wolf’s worth of raspberry glaze, chocolate chips AND coconut. [Licks chops.]
Strawberry Shortcake: As sweet and innocent as Lindsay Lohan in “Mean Girls.”
Key Lime Pie: Remember those green lollipops you used to get at the doctor’s office when you were a kid. Say ahhhhh.
Salted Caramel: Like getting mouth-to-mouth resuscitation from a retainer-free lifeguard at summer camp.
Carnival: Enough sprinkles to cure any man’s (legitimate) fear of clowns.
Blueberry Hill: I’m blowing up like Violet (from “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory”) —and that’s a good thing.
Dulce de Leche: Powdered sugar perfection. All I can picture is Bradley Cooper dancing on a cloud.
S’mores: Like an impromptu camping trip…with Bradley Cooper. Do I have graham cracker crumbs in my goatee?
Fractured Prune Doughnuts. 3 West Chesapeake Ave., Towson.