Necking Order


I SAW A HORRIFYING STORY on the news about how smartphones are giving us “tech-neck”—deep wrinkles and drooping jowls caused by looking down at gadgets. (Nora Ephron just turned over in her grave.) But fear not, Facebookers. The Spa at the Four Seasons Hotel Baltimore has a new treatment that temporarily cures this 21st-century malady! During my initial consultation with Stacey-Lee Bartell (who has gorgeous mocha skin and a soothing phone-operator voice), she assesses that I’m really suffering more from “baby turkey neck”—premature loss of elasticity due to weight loss. Her suggested Rx: Six sessions with the Viora Reaction machine that uses a combo of radiofrequency technology and vacuum therapy to tighten sagging skin.

HOW IT FEELS: As I lie on the massage table, Stacey-Lee applies glycerin to my neck, then runs the metal tip of her “magic wand” along a strategic path on my neckline for short intervals that add up to 12 minutes. At each target, she pauses and pulls the trigger on her wand three times, which gently sucks (and slurps!) up my skin while increasing its surface temperature. It does not hurt, but occasionally gets hot-hot-hot, so I give the signal and she re-lubes the area.

HOW IT WORKS: While never burning or injuring, the Reaction lightly bruises my neck—prompting my body to go into “healing” mode and deliver extra collagen (and oxygen) to the tissue for the two weeks between my appointments. It also activates the lymph drainage system to help remove retained water and waste products.
WHAT I LOVE: The crease in this selfie-taker’s neck is dramatically diminished and my mini-wattle is all but gone. (Follow-up treatments suggested every few months.)

WHAT I DON’T: I looked like a “Fifty Shades of Grey” experiment gone bad after the first sesh. (Seriously, bring a turtleneck!) But my sensitive skin soon acclimated and, after six weeks, I ended up making out with a divorced dad-of-three in his minivan until 2 a.m. His best comment: “You have a great neck.” $350 per treatment; $1,750 for six.

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