Unplugged
The January mid-season shows are starting. Can’t you hear the roaring? No, that wasn’t the MGM lion. It was me, yawning and gagging- at the same time. I don’t know when I lost my interest in TV, but I think it was about the time Oprah named her network, “OWN” as in, the universe, your soul and soon, maybe CBS, since her Bff Gayle has defected to it
I used to love TLC – The Learning Channel, the model for educational TV. Remember how it began by enlightening us about everything from strange, far away lands to basic household repairs? Check out some of their current educational content like; “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant”; in one episode, a woman thought her stomach cramps were just caused by bad pizza, until that big push and little DiGiorno appeared! Seems a different kind of pepperoni was to blame. So what did we learn? Apparently that you can be dangerously out of touch with your body but still be a great mom!
“My Strange Addiction”, is a show about bizarre addicts who compulsively eat things like, dryer sheets, rolls of toilet paper and sleep with their blow dryers. Let’s hope the sequel is, “My Strange Padded Cell”. And don’t forget to grab your notebooks and tune into “Little Chocolatiers”; a show simply about Little People trying to keep up with the very big demands of their chocolate factory. After just one episode watching these tiny sweet makers go through their day-to-day operations and you’ll be an expert on: the stepladder.
Wanna work in TV? Just follow the formula- pick a group of people that everyone stayed away from in high school and put them in situations that no one cares about. For extra credit make the show’s title a wacky play on words like the ones premiering this month on my own TV network: WTF.
“American Midol”: Watch as these hormonal honeys try to out cry, out rage, out bloat and out irrational each other over five days of hell leading to the finale: “But I’m Sooooooooo Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!” wailing contest.
“The Real Housewives of Lancaster County”: Hold onto your buggy reins and watch the Shoo Fly Pie really fly when these Amish divas compete to be the plainest. Episode one: Jebediah’s wife, Kate, accuses Ezekiel’s wife, Kate, of purposely wearing the same bonnet to the local barn raising.
“Dancing With the Lards” Celebrity heavy weights cut a (very durable) rug to get back their fifteen minutes. Sally Struthers, Jon Lovitz, and the entire cast of the The Facts of Life compete in dances revised for their girth. Like, the “(Very) Slow Waltz”, and the “Twist”, followed immediately by, the “Shout”. It’ll be absolutely flabulous!
“Lease a Gibbon”: Think your job is so easy that even a monkey can do it? Here’s your chance to have a trained monkey come out and take your place for a day. (Not applicable to surgeons). Politicians strongly encouraged to apply.
You go right ahead and think that these shows are just not TV worthy. Go ahead. Then remember how many shows there are about New Jersey and get back to me.
Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 01/17/12 at 05:09 PM
