Glamour Girl
Well, it was the worst Academy Awards ceremony in memory—Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin bombed so badly and so often it was embarrassing (why didn’t they demand better writing?? Billy Crystal, please come back!!)—the musical dance number was a mess, the memorial tribute kept getting interrupted by bits of dialogue that were supposed to complement James Taylor’s singing but just broke the mood, and the pace was plodding —but the Kodak Theater, dressed in ribbons and discs of illuminated crystal, looked spectacular, and so did the ladies on the red carpet.
Well, some of them anyway.
Though a rather bland, hard-to-wear pewter seemed to be the color of the evening, some of the stars pulled it off to glam effect, none more superbly than Sandra Bullock:
In a form-fitting silver Marchesa gown with sequin-embroidered bodice and satin train, Bullock was every inch the Hollywood star. She looked, in fact, like an awards statuette herself. Only quibble: her hair. As I’ve written about before, such highly formal occasions call for formal hairdos, and the loosey-goosey locks of so many starlets these days just doesn’t cut it.
Also in the pewter family, though more a barely-there ice-blue, Amanda Seyfried’s Armani Privé dress was a very Cinderella gown, but she’s so pale she sort of disappeared in it:
The ever-elegant Kate Winslet, whose sartorial taste is as impeccable as that of another Cate (Blanchett), also opted for pewter, by Yves St. Laurent, and though the gown was simple and plain, with her perfect figure and Veronica Lake hair, she, too, exemplified Old Hollywood glamour:
In addition to that silvery grey, pale, almost nude pastels were also the order of the night, with Miley Cyrus, Cameron Diaz, and Anna Kendrick donning some variation thereof. But the the knock-out gown in this colorway was the Armani Privé creation worn by Jennifer Lopez. A shimmering palest-pink silk organza with a huge train covered in Swarovski crystals, this was the statement dress of the evening. I have a feeling it’s going to divide the critics, with some hating it and some loving it, but I thought it was magnificent:
The Goddess—Meryl Streep—looked superb in a pure white tuxedo-cut silk crepe gown by Chris March, with hair up, simple square diamond earrings, and one wide diamond bracelet. She positively glowed:
Now on to color. Once again, Penelope Cruz swept aside all who came before her in a burgundy-red satin pleated ballgown by Donna Karan. She was stunning. The heiress to Sophia Loren:
But there was a return to the inexplicable ruffle fetish recently on display at the Golden Globes, with a few egregious sinners. One was Vera Farmiga in Marchesa. Enveloped in red ruffles, her face barely peeking out over the abundance of fanning and pleating, she looked like if you lit a fuse to her she would explode:
Even worse was Zoe Saldana in lavender-to-purple ombré disaster. It was Moulin Rouge meets Flamenco Girls Gone Wild:
But this is another one that’s going to divide the belles dames sans merci. The San Jose Mercury News called it “a couple of poodles that wandered into a paintball competition.” But the Telegraph of London anointed it the best gown of the night. (It’s Givenchy, by the way, designed by Riccardo Tisci.) I will say this—Saldana is barely out of her 20s, and there was a certain joie de vivre in her choice. She looked like a young girl out for her first big party, excited to be there and having fun, and she didn’t play it safe; there’s a lot to be said for that.
Here’s another that’s sure to set the tongues wagging. I admit I went back and forth on it, finally coming around, with some reservations. Sarah Jessica Parker in golden, glimmering Chanel:
First off, she’s got a whole ultra-high-glamour 1960s thing going on, with that big hairpiece, cat’s eye makeup, and the Grecian goddess silhouette of the gown. It’s an image that packs a lot of punch. (Actually, it reminds me of Streisand in her youth.) The heavily beaded steel-grey metallic rosettes on front and back were exquisite, the simplicity of the rest of the dress serving to enhance rather than detract from them. On the other hand, there’s always something odd about dresses that just fall straight from the top and conceal a woman’s body—you could be 90 pounds or 200 pounds underneath. The bodice also seemed to shift back and forth on its own as she moved. But this is nit-picking. Overall, it was a wow.
Charlize Theron is another woman finely attuned to high fashion, and she took a chance with a lavender-mauve Christian Dior satin gown. The train and drape were great, but you can’t get away from the fact that the flowers on the bodice looked like they were grabbing her breasts:
There’s no way this gown wasn’t inspired by American designer Jo Copeland, who did a similar, but, frankly, much more accomplished rosettes-on-breasts thing for a red cocktail dress back in the 1950s, and if I can ever retrieve the photo from my USB device I’ll show you.
Queen Latifah also opted for a lavender mauvey-pink in a sophisticated cut, and she looked spectacular. She really lives up to her name. Someone give this woman a scepter!
Several women had the blues, including Gaby (Gabourey) Sidibe in crystal-embroidered Marchesa, Maggie Gyllenhaal in a watercolor Dries van Noten with simple bellflower earrings, and Mo’nique in royal blue Tadashi with a gardenia in her hair, tributes, she said, to Hattie McDaniel, who was the first black actress to win an Academy Award, for Gone with the Wind, in 1940:
Helen Mirren, of course, looked gorgeous in yet another age-appropriate, figure-appropriate, one-of-a-kind gown, a Badgley Mischka of the palest lavender-blue chiffon sprinkled with sequins, with Chopard jewelry. We always expect the best from Dame Mirren and we always get it:
What we also always get is the worst from Mariah Carey. In cringe-inducing navy crepe slit up to kingdom come, spilling out of her top, as usual, and sucking in every pore to within an inch of her life, also as usual, she was a frightening apparition (and I know, I know, she considers gowns like this “conservative”):
It’s about damn time a woman won for Best Director, so all hail Kathryn Bigelow and The Hurt Locker. It was a big occasion. Why, then, did she look like she just fell out of bed? The gown was fine, a YSL bodice-embroidered, mocha-colored skin-tight sheath—her figure is fab, though she didn’t seem to know it, as she kept pressing in her tiny waist and holding her breath (even on the red carpet, before the understandably breathtaking moment of her win). But the hair. Her hair! Ugh!! This was the unkempt, undone, split-down-the-middle, hippie-dippie look of high school 40 years ago, not a grown-up look for a grown-up woman on one of the most important nights of her life. I just don’t get it:
I’ll finish with black, not, as you know, my favorite color, but Tina Fey looked very soignée in it, a one-shouldered Michael Kors sequined sheath:
Only thing I’d add would be face-brightening red lipstick, another throwback to the Golden Age of Hollywood that seems to have gone out of favor.
All in all, a tame night for which Glamour Girl had a hard time staying awake. Weigh in with your comments below.
(P.S. Still searching for a picture of Oprah, because she looked so beautiful in that dark blue Carolina Herrera gown—please, oh, please, could I have her haidresser, makeup artist, and stylist for just one night?!)
UPDATE: Found it!
And if you need more of an Oscar fashion fix, check out this Oscar Fashion Review I did for NPR in 2007.
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