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franklin, pa. st. patrick grade school. sisters of mercy. aka “sisters of no mercy.” aka “the crows.” aka (arm waving wildly)“‘stir,‘stir pick on me.” 1960-64. kennedy, the beatles and yes, pagan babies. nickels and dimes. pennies from the kids across the river; some quarters from the guys with the paper routes. the boxes and the black faces. hell scared the hell out of me. in fact it was during st. pats that i first meditated on and came to quick glimpses of eternity. i still do that but only glimpses. it is a concept the human mind rejects almost immediately as “just too damn much.” we played a game called tackle blacky in the parking lot. started with one guy in the middle. others would rush back and forth. the one guy would tackle another and then there would be two in the middle. and then there would be the “last one running.” compund broken collar bones most frequent injury. tackle blacky “banned for life” - every month or so. unsanctioned “professional wrestling” as we called it then. bruno samartino was champ - he just down the river in pittsburgh. tuff town, franklin,  tuff school, st, pats. all still there. even the parking lot.

all those expelled from the public schools were send to st pats. ‘cause the nuns had the chops!!! sister mary elephant had THE most effective faux-castration punishment ever. the lad would be taken to the corner at the end of the hall. there was the fire extinguisher, top at belt height. SME would tower over said youth forcing an arms-braced, back-bend into the corner. balls 100% exposed, quivering, no defense possible. it didn’t matter what you had done because you knew in that position you would NEVER do it again. and you didn’t. all the guys got the “eyes-up, balls-out” treatment once.

and please folks lets not get all PC about this. WE did the time in catholic school. WE had to survive, correct course and enter the real world. so WE get to f*cking laugh about pagan babies if we want to!!

i do have a serious question. does anyone know what the total haul of the pagan baby campaign was? millions for sure. any way of getting good data on this one? why do i want to know? i am thinking of using it as a model for fund-raising technique for a non-profit organization. i promise we’ll keep clean books. and no boxes with the “white man’s burden” portraits…

great story.

My sister and I were laughing over “saving pagan babies” in Catholic schools when we were young! There was a song we sang too. Something about “souls dying” and “Won’t you save a pagan baby today”. Any body remember the words? We still chuckle over the names we gave these kids!

I just came upon this article and found it in one word annoying. I am pagan and am raising my child pagan. I feel like this article although written in a humorous manner condones the act of religious intolerance.

I was not raised catholic,but many of my friends were. ever since I heard about the whole pagan baby thing I have wanted a pagan baby box. my friend said that in her class they had a box for collecting money and I have been looking for years. any ideas ?

My brother sent me this because we all fell into this category grades 1-12. Yeah, that’s right, 8 years wasn’t enough, we had to endure 4 more.

The story is dead-on and much appreciated!

Thanks Chris for the flashback.

Hysterical and on the money!  I sent it to all of my friends and family members who were gifted with the incredibly unique experience of a Catholic grammar school education.  They loved it!

As a print magazine subscriber I first read this article when it arrived at my house. Question: What is stylish about ridiculing religion?

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